Returning to Relevé

"Plié is the first thing you learn and the last thing you master." -Suzanne Farrell This has always been one of my favorite dance quotes, because its so true. Throughout my dance training, teachers have always emphasized how important a good plié is. When I was teaching, I really made an effort to pass that advice on to my own students, though I don't think I really realized how far reaching it is. I'm currently struggling with an uneven plié and its making my life difficult. The flexibility of my right ankle (that'd be the Ankle of Doom ) still needs work. I can't get the same deep plié I can get on the other side. Landing jumps doesn't have the same squishy feel, and in pointe class recently, I struggled doing a simple tendu fondu to sous-sus en pointe (which requires a bit of a spring)--it was such a mess! I felt like I just could NOT push off the floor enough. Not to mention my complete inability to get off the floor for petit allegro. It's b...

Good news, everyone! Despite my complete lack of blogging (merp), I have actually been dancing. I've even performed in my home studio's winter and spring shows! Back in January I did a pointe assessment with my dance PT and managed to pass. She's been having me do relevés in pointe shoes on a reformer (and later at a barre) as part of my PT for awhile now, but it was still surprising to get the official "OK." That being said, I wasn't taking enough classes at the time (we're required to take three technique classes each week to do pointe), so I've been slowly adding to my class load, and only started doing pointe in class this month. The ankle is not 100%--it still gets quite grumpy from time to time, but its definitely better. It's been a very (painfully) slow process for sure. Anyway: the pointe shoe saga continues, more or less. When I started doing pointe as part of PT, I went and got a fitting, and was put into a Capezio Aria. T...

My dancing blog has turned into an ankle blog, but it can't be helped. This shit is rough, you guys. I have moments where I feel hopeful and excited, only to have something go sideways and I get depressed. I'm almost nine months post-op, and the sucker still hurts. Doing relevé  hurts. Pointing my foot still hurts. PLI É  hurts. I'm beginning to think I'm going to be in pain forever--I've had constant, varying amounts of pain since August/September 2015 (and before that it came and went depending on injections). That's TWO YEARS (plus). When will it end??? I have diligently done my PT exercises nearly every day since December. I've started retaking classes, only to have to cut back because it hurts too much. I don't know what to do anymore... I'm so depressed.

At the end of May I saw my surgeon for my last post-op appointment (following an episode of peroneal tendinitis, because of course). Near the end of the appointment, he told me I could start dialing things back to normal, and that I was good to go (though I would get some pain at the ligament reconstruction site for awhile yet). I forget how it came up, but I remember him mentioning the athletes he works with and how, because I'm a dancer, he has placed me in that category. My response was, "I don't feel like an athlete!" Then, you guys, I got a pep talk. He told me to focus on the things I CAN do, not the things I can't. Everything will come back in time. Even little steps are steps. He reminded me that I'm not just recovering from surgery, I'm also recovering from all the stuff that came BEFORE. When I thanked him for the pep talk at the end of the appointment, he said, "I give a few a day." Ha! He's right, of course. I started ...

(My blog title has never been more appropriate!) I've taken a grand total of three classes thus far (two the first week, once last week), and BOY HOWDY am I out of shape. We've only been doing plié, tendu, dégagé, plus a little foot work and grand battement at the end (the other student in class is brand new to ballet, so the teacher spent a bit of time explaining things). My muscles are screaming, but I secretly enjoy that--I feel like I know I've actually been doing work. All the PT stuff. I'm still getting grumpiness just under my incision and then back behind in "the zone" (its where I had all the pain before).  I talked to both the surgeon and PT about it because even though having pain would still be pretty normal for someone only four months post-op, I was fretting because its in a similar place to where I had pain originally. That being said, it does feel different--less of a pinch, not as deep--just tender. Luckily, neither are especially wo...

I'm not even sure where to begin; a lot has happened.  I suppose I should just start where I left off, back in OCTOBER. Saw AnkleDoctor. He agreed with the nurse's recommendation that I needed surgery, only he thought my problem was the FHL ( remember my good 'ole FHL ?), some instability, and likely some damage to the cartilage in my ankle joint. This was a happier prognosis than what I expected (believe it or not), because the nurse had originally talked about deepening the peroneal groove in my bone and stuff, eep! So I had surgery at the end of November 2016. They ended up doing a lot more than I expected (and I have more "holes" in my ankle than I thought I would!): One side of scars--not too bad looking these days! Checked my ankle joint for cartilage injuries and found two. To fix, they created little “potholes” and dug out the bad cartilage. Apparently the bone marrow fills back in over time (like tar), but limits my releve-type activities ...

So....the PRP didn't work. That's a bit of a lie, it worked a little bit (things are less "crunchy"), but not well enough that I'm better and able to dance. No, in fact, the doctor that gave me the PRP injection actually recommended that I go see an orthopedic surgeon that specializes in foot/ankle problems. Good times. So I've been waiting 3 months to get in to see AnkleDoctor's nurse (the "gatekeeper"), who one HAS to see prior to seeing the doctor. I saw her a week or so ago and she was basically like, "Girl, you've done everything else, I think we need to have AnkleDoctor do surgery to put your tendon in place and clean up the gunk in there." So, now I'm waiting AGAIN, this time to officially consult with the doctor. So, it looks like I'm surgery-bound. I just don't know when. Will I be able to dance in the winter show? Will I be hobbling around on crutches during Thanksgiving and Christmas? Only time will te...

Man, I have been on an adventure (if waiting for things to happen one month at a time can be called an adventure). I got an MRI in mid-May, and found out I had the following problems: Chronic tendonitis in my peroneal tendons (not surprised) with some possible subluxation (movement) of the tendons out of their proper placement (yuck). Inflammation in the front part of my ankle joint Bursitis in the bursa located behind the Achilles A small tear in my Achilles (?!) Basically, my ankle was a hot mess of inflammation from overuse. We're all shocked, I know.   I discussed the results with my PT and podiatrist, and the latter decided that she wanted me to get a surgeon's opinion (as she no longer does surgery). I ended up going back to the first podiatrist I'd seen when this first started a thousand years ago , and he decided the best thing for me to try at this point would be a PRP injection. PRP stands for platelet rich plasma. They take some of your blood, c...

So. This is happening. After much frustration, and still feeling like the Ankle of Doom wasn't getting any better despite my best PTing efforts, I talked to the doctor and it was decided that I should try wearing The Boot in order to try and see if immobilization would calm things the heck down.  Since we have a two week dance break it seemed like a good time, but it turns out that I'm stuck in this sucker for FOUR WEEKS. Not only that, but because my body can't behave itself, I get to graduate to a tall boot next week (I'm wearing a short one in the pic above), because I'm still getting too much movement and my peroneal tendon is POPPING. Speaking of peroneal tendons popping, during the PT session prior to my doc visit, I noticed popping when I went to point my foot, and the PT said it may be peroneal instability (the doc agrees), which basically means my tendon is moving in and out of its groove (though not completely subluxing over the bone). This could ...

I keep mentioning the Graston technique , and thought perhaps it would be good to actually show you guys what it looks like. Here are some of the tools the PT uses on me: They really do look like torture implements, don't they? And here is a very short clip of her working the top part of my ankle/foot (she also does the back, but I flip onto my stomach for that and can't film it, heh!) I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and generally this doesn't actually feel terrible unless she hits a tender spot. I just hope it works! The PT says that everything feels better to her than it did just one month ago, though when I did some releves for her in pointe shoes the other day, I could feel/she could see that my flexibility in that ankle isn't quite there yet. I just want the pinching to go away :(

There are apparently stages of grief with injuries , and I think I've hit them all. One of my last posts was definitely during what I was thinking of as my "depression" stage, and today's post may very well fall under "acceptance." One of the newer exercises that the PT is having me do involves standing on one leg on the flat side of a Bosu ball and doing 15 rond de jambes (3 sets--my leg really feels it by the end)--without holding on to anything. The other folks there are thoroughly impressed with my ability to balance; I've taken to calling it my "circus act."  It has really been the inspiration to kick me out of my depression, because it has made me realize that I'll come out of all this even stronger than before. Maybe I'll even be able to do this: On releve! Can you imagine? (I can't really, but who knows!) Positive thoughts ;)

Six months. SIX MONTHS. Half a year of ankle pain of varying degrees (that still hasn't gone away). To say that I'm frustrated would be an enormous understatement. To make it even more annoying, I've been dealing with this issue off and on for nearly two years. I've seen two different podiatrists and now two different PTs. These past six months, I have not been able to dance fully. My relev é  is restricted (and therefore so is turning), and I am not supposed to jump (except rarely to demonstrate for students). I have basically (I feel) been half dancing for half a year. I keep diligently doing my PT exercises every morning, am currently going through two PT sessions a week involving the Graston technique (ow), and yet the ankle is still being a jerk. My at-home PT assistant is especially helpful. Current PT says that I have a lot of scar tissue (past sprains, wear and tear over the years) that is both restricting my ankle mobility and causing an impingement...

Our Christmas show is over, and as always it's a little bittersweet. I have such fun making new friends in the cast each year, and bonding over choreography troubles. Blurry stage light picture. Those suckers get HOT! I do have some happy news on the injury front--I was finally able to see a PT with a background in dance medicine, and met her the week before the show. She showed me how to properly KT tape my leg, and gave me other exercises to add to my repertoire. I was also given instructions on how to ease back into full classes properly (floor barre, then regular barre, then barre AND center, then pointe, then finally jumping again). First order of business: REST for at least a week (no releves!) Weirdly easier said than done for me! I have a tendency to dance around my house more than I thought... We don't have floor barre at our studio, so I've been investigating methods to do at home. That in itself was a little overwhelming, but I settled on the one that not...

I was talking to the PT Monday about how I still have a cranky spot deep up inside the back/outside part of my ankle, and she suggested that maybe it was a grumpy ligament that I had mildly sprained. My initial reaction was, "Nah," but then as I thought about it, I recalled how my ankle likes to give out, and how earlier this summer it had given out in class and I'd actually rolled it slightly. OOPS. That may have been the catalyst to setting off this most recent bout of ankle grumpiness. In other news, I'm still being threatened with a boot after the performance if my pain doesn't go away. I'm torn about it, to be honest--on one hand, I'm worried about losing strength, on the other I just want this damn thing to get better.

I mentioned in my last post that my ankle has been bothering me again, and this time the pain was not content to disappear after some minor rest. I've been seeing a PT and a second podiatrist and apparently I have both sinus tarsi syndrome AND peroneal tendonitis, likely due to a large number of factors. While frustrating, it's fascinating to me how connected everything in the body can be--for instance, at my last appointment the PT mentioned how my hips are slightly out of alignment, which may be causing my hamstring to be tight, which in turn is limiting the movement of the fibula, which may be contributing to the peroneal problems. OY VEY. I have yet to determine the starting point of all this chaos, though sometimes I wonder if it stems from my injury/surgery on my left knee several years ago (causing over compensation on my right side). The doc and PT think its very possible. I'm doing a limited amount of dancing (I took a 3 week break awhile back to no ava...

Things have been crazy busy, so I've been a blogging slacker. Updates! I started doing my own strength training circuit at home through August, and was pretty good about sticking with it. I did both arm and legs exercises every other day throughout the month and definitely saw and felt some improvement. Now I just have to keep up with it because I've been a slacker so far into September. No surprises there, really. My stupid ankle is bothering me again, so now I'm seeing a PT (who is a former dancer, yay!) To the shock of no one, she told me that I have tight calves. What was surprising was that I have weak calves (for a dancer), and likely some muscle imbalance. We'll be working on that, and also checking my pelvis for any other imbalances. My first homework assignment is to stretch my poor calves every day (especially after class). Good times. The Pointe Shoe Saga also continues, because I dislike the Airess. I have two major problems with them: I can...

In a weird but wonderful twist of the universe, we had a (former) professional dancer drop into the adult class at my dance school earlier this week. If that wasn't amazing enough, it turns out her new career is as a physical therapist! My AD asked her if she would be willing to look at my foot, and she was gracious enough to give me a little exam before attending class (awesome!) She told me that my symptoms were very similar for having an os trigonum, which can be hard to detect (I told her my podiatrist had checked for that and nothing had shown up on my x-ray, but I guess sometimes they can be super hard to see). All the balancing! Alternatively (and equally as likely) it may be the result of my tight calves in conjunction with my having had previous ankle sprains to that ankle many moons ago. Because of the sprains,  I've lost stability in my ankle and now my peroneal muscles are overcompensating when I do all my balancing/pointe work. Makes sense to me! She ga...

We just finished a two week Spring Break, and I actually (gasp) took a break. I decided that if I wanted to be able to do pointe for our spring show, I should probably let my foot rest. The latest news on that front is that it seemed to be some peroneal tendonitis, which is an overuse injury (everyone is shocked, right? haha). Besides the increased pointe in class, I have been walking more than usual, and because I walk turned out and supinate (all of which is bad), I think I aggravated that entire area. Le sigh. In completely non-foot related news, I am still struggling with finding something both comfortable and flattering to wear for classes. I mean...I don't mind wearing leotards and tights, but the leg holes of many of my leos squeeze things a little too much for my liking, which makes me feel like they don't fit and, therefore, aren't flattering. It's a little frustrating. I also continue to hate normal tights and how the elastic forever makes me look like a sau...

As I had predicted, the steroids the doc gave me for the foot didn't help much. I saw him again and he felt around more, finally finding the sensitive spot just behind my outer ankle bone (the lateral malleolus for those of you who are medically inclined.) Seems like it may be my peroneal tendon/muscle, which is an overuse injury (of course). It can also be caused by tight calves (which the doc noted I had while he was flexing my foot around), so I have lots of stretching and massaging in my future. Also, super sexy KT taping! I did the math, and I was definitely dancing more in the winter, but I am doing more pointe which does a nice number on the calves, so I think that's my problem. I'm going to have to be religious about massaging and stretching my calves at night. Things that are worrying me, though? Our spring showcase. As of discussions right now, I may be in as many as NINE numbers (two tap, three ballet/ballet-esque, and four jazz!) AHHHHHH.

My stupid ankle/foot is bothering me again. It feels very similar to the problem I was having over the summer, so I saw the foot doc again. This time he thinks it might actually be my sural nerve, but I don't really feel like that's it because I don't get any weird tingling or numbness. It's more of an ache/pinching feeling? Sigh. However, because it seems like my calves are forever tight (I had problems with shin splints early on), I asked if tightness in my calf could cause problems in my ankle and he said yes--tight calf muscles can restrict ankle mobility(!) so that's also a big possibility (yay relevé!)  Time to break out all my self massage tools and see if that helps. And maybe one of these fancy calf stretching deals: (They had me use one during my PT recovery for my knee injury a few years ago and it was the best thing ever). In any event, whatever this is seems to be pointe related. I've come to this conclusion because during the ...